Assessing Appearances…

When I left secondary school I was really excited about the fact that I suddenly would be able to wear my own clothes to school and leave my uniform behind.  Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t the worst uniform in the world (although we did have bright blue kilts…) but I was happy that I could finally wear clothes that flattered me in ways that I wanted.

In year 11 I went through a stage of drastically losing weight… I mean I was never size zero skinny, but I wasn’t exactly the epitome of health.  It wasn’t because I exercised loads or was incredibly fit or anything, I simply stopped eating as well as I should have because I became so wrapped up in the fact that it is very easy to compare people’s sizes when you are all wearing the same thing.  As I began sixth form this became less of a problem however as I started to feel a lot more comfortable I started to realise that the allowance of makeup meant that the majority of girls looked beautifully air brushed all the time.

I’ve always been kind of blessed with relatively good skin; I think it’s due to the fact I don’t particularly like sweets and I drink a lot of water.  So with the right exfoliator, cleanser and moisturiser plus the occasional face mask, my face remained relatively clear and lip gloss and eyeliner were the extent of my morning makeup routine.  However, the more I looked at girls at school the more I realised how amazingly pretty they all looked in makeup.  Clear skin was no longer enough… I needed to have no bags under my eyes, the perfect smooth complexion, an even tone throughout my skin, natural but slightly coloured eyelids, matte but evenly coloured lips… the list went on and on.  I slowly invested in more and more makeup (I mean… I still rarely wear it, but at least I own it), and I became more obsessed with the flaws on my face, some of which I couldn’t help.  My nose felt flatter, my cheeks seemed too red, my forehead too big, my overall face shape too fat and I couldn’t help but hate my absence of cheek bones.

Recently on two separate occasions I’ve had to wear the same dress as many other girls and in both cases I couldn’t help but being consumed in how much more I resembled a potato in comparison to everyone else.  It was like all my uniform fears came back and I noticed everything about me that I hated; the size of my thighs and my wideness.  It’s affected me a lot recently but it’s caused me to really think about how we as a society define “beauty”.

Recently I’ve been binge watching a lot of TV series’ (revision procrastination at its finest).  At the moment I’m watching the OC, before that it was 90210 and before that it was Gossip Girl and each time I haven’t been able to help the fact that I look at the girls and these shows and aspire to have their thin bodies.  Every single one of them looks perfect in everything they wear (which I understand they have costume designers for… but their bodies probably help) and I can’t help but have it bum me out a little.  However, then when I occasionally watch old kids shows like That’s So Raven and Lizzie McGuire, it’s refreshing to look at how the girls aren’t necessarily “plus size” but are average and slightly curly, and they’re not addressed as “big girls” or “curvy girls” but viewed normally.  Through watching TV shows from different years you can actually see how body image has changed over time; we went from a stage where the weight of actors wasn’t necessarily important, to a phase of stick thinness being the norm, to now where we have the celebrated “plus sized girls” and then the slim toned beautiful girls, and I find it interesting how in each of these time periods, these girls were the trendsetters, and the beauty that teens in particular aspired to.

We’re in a time at the moment that’s a lot more tolerant and accepting towards everything, and we’re often preached at by friends, teachers, adverts and parents that “everyone is beautiful and beauty is subjective”, however there are people that the majority tend to agree are just a lot prettier than others, so what is it that allows us to view them as that much more beautiful?  As someone’s that frequently struggles with liking their appearance I personally try not to judge others and I try to never negatively judge anyone’s appearance… I feel like in general this happens a lot less nowadays.  However, when celebrating the beauty of others I find myself wishing I could be that pretty and this can often be self-deprecating.

I didn’t want this post to end up being an “everyone is beautiful, you should love yourself” kind of post because from someone who has little to no self-confidence I find that this is easier said than done.  I just think that we need to stop comparing ourselves to others.  You may find many of their qualities redeeming, but hey, you probably have many redeeming qualities as well.

One of my favourite quotes (I have quite a few, I’m sorry I feel like I talk about quotes that I love a lot), comes from ‘The Red Band Society’, a TV show that got cancelled way before it’s time:

“Luck isn’t getting what you want. It’s about surviving what you don’t want”

I feel like in this day and age, most people have something that they dislike about themselves, but sometimes try as you may you can’t change it.  Embrace your “flaws”, work with them, and make them your special features.  It’s not about being the best looking, it’s about having the confidence in yourself to know you look good.  Because usually if you can believe it, others start to believe it too.

Read, comment, and don’t take anything personally.  Remember, we’re all still forming opinions.  Byeeeee!

Back to Blogging…

It has been over 6 months since I have blogged and I apologise for that but a few days after my last post I turned 18 and started my final year of school and I’m taking more subjects than I’m supposed to and I was applying to Universities and I got a part time job and everything took over.  But with exams coming up I need more creative outlets and I can’t remember the last time that I wrote something for fun…  So I’m back to blogging! (At least once every two weeks…)

In honour of my six month absence I’d start with:

6 things I’ve learnt over the last 6 months… (Which will probably stem into inspiration for lengthier blog posts in time)

1. With age only comes wisdom if you let it

I’m finally at the age of “adulthood” and do I instantly feel mature and full of knowledge?  Of course not.  But I’m starting to realise that 18 isn’t a miracle cure for maturity, however one year older means I’ve had another full year to make mistakes (of which I’ve made many) and actually learn from them.  And believe it or not, with this experience I have in fact become slightly more knowledgeable, this year only means more opportunities for growth.

 

2. Just because somebody shines, doesn’t mean you don’t in a different way

I think with my last exams before Uni coming up, and the whole competing for Uni places fiasco, it’s been hard not to look at other people and think “Why can’t I do what they’re doing as well as them?”.  As a perfectionist, I have a tendency to let my flaws overshadow my positive qualities, and at times, especially with the stress of this year, that has caused me to go down a bit of a spiral of fixation.  However, at times I’ve realised that it’s important to step back, reflect on what you can do well, and do not compare yourself to others.  Everybody has their strengths and everybody has their flaws, but we’re all still growing and developing so reward the strengths and know that your flaws can only improve.

 

3. Confidence: Fake it til you make it

It’s no secret to anyone who knows me that I can sometimes be a bit of an introvert.  I think moving around schools a lot when I was younger and constantly being pegged as “the new girl” left me with a tendency to try as hard as possible to blend into the background.  However, it’s my final year of school, so I figured if there was ever a time to try anything it would be now.  I’ve actually put my name forward to do things, and regularly talk to people I’ve never talked to before and though absolutely terrifying at times, everything I’ve put myself out for is ultimately rewarding.  I’ve never really been one for confidence, but I’ve found that if you lie to yourself about having it long enough, you eventually believe that you actually do; confidence, like many things, can be fakes until you make it.

 

4. A little kindness can go a long way

I’m not gonna bore you with the details, but I occasionally go through patches of intense sadness, and this year that intensity has only increased.  I guess with everything that goes on around you with grades, appearance, and popularity it’s hard not to feel a little worthless sometimes.  Over time I’ve realised that it’s the tiny random acts of kindness, like someone texting me when I’ve missed school, or complimenting my hair/outfit/eyebrows, or literally just smiling at me in a hallway or in the treat that make me feel a lot better.  For this reason, I’ve started doing the same to others a lot more; if I think someone’s outfit is particularly nice I’ll bring it up, if I see someone make eye contact I’ll smile.  If you can help someone’s mental state with an act that costs you basically no effort, why not do it all the time?

 

5. If you believe that you’re a wallflower you’re always gonna be a wallflower

This one is one that I’m still struggling with because I have the lowest opinion of myself – don’t get me wrong I don’t think that I’m ugly or disgusting, I just see myself as a middle man who blends subtly into the background; nothing shockingly bad about me, nothing shockingly impressive.  And there’s nothing wrong with being that person, but nobody should believe that they are.  You are never going to have the confidence to reach further and try harder if you believe that you can.  It sounds cheesy (honestly, this whole post has sounded cheesy as I’ve written it…) but there’s something special about all of us, and nobody should discredit themselves to being nothing more than a wallflower.  I’m still yet to find my special thing, but I’m slowly trying to get myself to believe that it may in fact exist.

 

6. Don’t spread yourself too thin

I briefly touched on it in the intro to this post, but I have a lot going on this year.  With Unis and exams and everybody seeming to do a billion extra-curricular’s, it appears that most people have a lot going on this year.  From what I’ve observed, I’m not the only one my age that is prone to freaking out over the sheer amount that I have to do.  Over the last six months I’ve learnt that it is hard to stop yourself doing everything you want.  I’ve had to balance homework, revision, part-time job, more subjects than I’m supposed to be doing, family time, a social life, rehearsals, extra-lessons, UCAS, planning my life next year… and many people have had to do their own version of that.  I’m not going to lie, there are times when I break down and it seems impossible, and there are times when I worry that I’m not productive enough and I want to do more.  I’ve learnt through insane planning (I have a Filofax and I’m really into organisation… don’t judge me…) that it’s possible to take on a lot, but you cannot spread yourself to thin, and you cannot cut out essentials.  We are human beings.  We need adequate sleep, and food, and time to relax with friends or TV… These can’t be cut out by things deemed “more important”, it’s not healthy.

And there you have it…  Sorry if this was insanely cheesy… That was not the intention, but I guess I’m a little bit out of practice at the moment.  Comment, share, message me if you actually know me and thought this was good, I’d appreciate it regardless of how often we talk :).  Oh and if you think that any of these should be made into a full length detailed post, tell me, because I have no idea what I’m going to post next…

Read, comment, and don’t take anything personally.  Remember, we’re all still forming opinions.  Byeeeee!