Accelerated Ageing…

Growing up has always been one of those things I wanted to do.  5 year old me couldn’t wait to be 10, 10 year old me couldn’t wait to be 16, and 16 year old me couldn’t wait to be 18.  And yet, now I’m 2 weeks away from being an adult I wish I could cling on to my childhood and my life of no responsibility and a billion second chances.  But as much as I wish it, I can’t.  We’re all growing up, maturing whether we can feel it or not. 

I’ve just come back from a week at a summer school, pretending to go to University for a week.  It was great; I made amazing friends, actually improved my French skills and confidence immensely, even explored activities I wouldn’t usually explore.  But I’d be lying if I said that the whole experience didn’t terrify me a little… (Or a lot…)

You see, at the end of the week we had this “mini graduation” ceremony.  It was amazingly cute; we got gowns, scrolls, a ceremony, the whole shebang… and I couldn’t help but feel extremely old.  I mean, yeah, I was only playing a Uni student for a few moments, but at one point I looked at the people around me, and the hall I was in and the scroll I was clutching and I remembered where I was this time a year ago.

I feel exactly the same, but it’s not until I look at what I’ve done in the last school year that I realise how much I’ve actually changed.  I went away from home, four hours away from home, by myself to a summer school where I knew absolutely no one.  I had no friends by my side, no family, and a year ago that would have absolutely terrified me.  This time last year no way would I have written a blog!  This time last year I wouldn’t have let my closest friends read anything that I’d written at all.  Last summer I vowed to do so much, but the odds are this time last year I was lounging on a sofa, thinking about what the next year would bring and binging on Netflix.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve still watched a ridiculous amount of Netflix this summer.  However, I’ve also gone out and done work experience, written an academic essay, hung out with my friends, done 2 summer schools and applied for and started a part-time job.  It only began occurring to me when I looked at that scroll in my hand, that without even trying to I’ve grown older and I’ve matured.  I don’t feel very different at all, and I think often as teenagers we discredit ourselves and believe that we haven’t made any progress at all.  I’m pretty sure, regardless of your age, if any of you look back and what you’d done a year ago and what you’ve done now, you’ll realise that you’ve done a lot more than you give yourself credit for.

Even if it’s nothing physical, look at the person you were a year ago compared to the person you are now.  Are you more confident?  More reserved?  More self-assured?  More mature?  I guarantee you there will be something.

We should be proud of the people that we’ve become, but we should never forget the people that we’ve come from.  As sung in one of my favourite musicals: “There’s pride in my heart because I know where I’m going, but I know where I’ve been”.  Never forget the spirit you had as a 10 year old, or that ridiculous confidence you had when you were 5.  Hold on to it all.  Use it to grow.  Let it help mould you.

Yeah, we’re ageing.  But that doesn’t mean we still can’t be kids from time to time.   

Read, comment, and don’t take anything personally.  Remember, we’re all still forming opinions.  Byeeeee!

Constantly Changing…

  
So I’m writing this from a train (which is pretty cool because I’m listening to music and typing away as the locations outside my window change quickly and I feel like a writer in a movie) on my way to Durham.  I don’t know if it’s my current location, or the fact that I’m about to spend a week from home in somewhere I’ve never been before with no family, friends, or anyone I know at all, but something really got me thinking about change.

If you had to describe yourself in 3 words what would they be? 

Would you have to think about it? Go on some long journey of self discovery?  Or would you just know? Theoretically we should all know exactly who we are, considering that, you know, we’re ourselves, but in life it’s never that easy. 

When I was younger, I used to really love first days of school. Not because I was a geek (which, I’ll be honest I kind of was but that’s beside the point), I used to love them because each new year felt like a fresh start. I’d be in a new year at school, have different teachers, different books, different folders, a different timetable, I used to feel like with all that change I had the chance to be as different as I wanted to be.  However, now, when I look back and think about it I wonder why I needed a new year to feel like I could be whoever I wanted. 

It’s a common notion; I mean, with every New Year’s Eve comes the trending #newyearnewme hashtag… We seem to mark the times of the year where it’s acceptable for us to change and be who we want to be.  But, when you think about it, we control ourselves.  We should be able to be who we want to be whenever we want to.  So yeah, this week away gives me a fresh start with new people, but that doesn’t mean that it’s a chance for me to radically change who I am.  If I want change, I should be able to whenever I want.  

If you’ve ever seen a Romantic Comedy, the odds are that you’ve seen a female protagonist panic and struggle because she doesn’t know who she is, or what her label in high school is.  I’m not gonna lie, I love watching RomComs, I could watch them all day, but I would be lying if I said that they didn’t have their flaws in terms of the messages that they give.  It’s okay to not know exactly who you are or where you belong.  If I had to describe myself in three words I don’t think I’d be able to without some serious thought.  I have no idea what clique I’d belong to in a teenage high school movie, to be honest I don’t think I’d be able to label myself with a stereotypical role in any of those movies either.  Why? Because we’re always changing, whether it be physically or emotionally. 
Aquinas (an old Philospher) argued in his First Way that we are in a constant state of motion, moving from a state of actuality, to potentiality, to actuality etc.  It sounds more complicated than it is, but it’s easy to wrap your head around if you think of an example, like a saucepan.  When you heat a saucepan, it goes from being potentially hot, to actually being hot, to being potentially cold, to being actually cold.  At the moment we’re all who we are, but we have the potential to be a different version of ourselves, if we want to be because we’re constantly changing.

In my room I have a cork board by my desk where I pin photos, reminders and cute postcards and things I like. My favourite thing on my corkboard at the moment is a postcard that I found when I was out shopping in Lomdon with my friends one time.  It says: Some want it to happen, others wish it would happen, and some go out and make it happen.  Whatever we do, we should always strive to be those who go out and make things happen.  At the end of the day, if you want better for yourself, or you want to be known/noticed for something, you’re the only one that can make it happen.  Regardless of the time of year, or your circumstances, there’s always time for change.

Read, comment, and don’t take anything personally. Remember, we’re all still forming opinions. Byeeeee!

Re-Evaluating Results…

It’s been a long time since I posted, I know, but honestly I’ve been waiting for the inspiration I needed to write my next post.  But today was results day for all AS and A2 students, so I figured it was as good a time as ever to blog about life and experiences.

As a teenage girl with a variety of social media outlets (Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, you name it), I read teenage rants on the education system pretty much every time I go online.  The reason?  It’s probably the number one shared cause of stress amongst teenagers my age.  We have rants, one liners, and recurring jokes on the topic, but all mediums generally come down to the same point:  the education system has got us more concerned about the letters that we get on a piece of paper than whether we actually learn something.

Today was emotional and hectic and nerve wrecking and I witnessed a lot of reactions to results, ranging from one end of the spectrum to the other, and it really got me thinking about the point above.  I’m not saying that the letters don’t matter, because they do; universities and jobs have to find some way of filtering applicants, but it seems that nowadays as students our grades begin to become the thing that defines us.

For example, I remember last year when I got my GCSE Results (It was a way bigger deal than this year’s results because it was my first proper results day and I swear I shook the whole way to school).  The second I ripped open the envelope, before I even properly registered my results I was on the phone to my parents listing my A*s, As and Bs.  Then before I knew it, I was texting family members listing my A*s, As and Bs.  Then as I walked down the corridors out of school I can’t tell you how many times I recited my A*s, As and Bs to everybody that asked me what I got.  By the time I left school that day, before I could even properly sit down and look at my grade breakdown, I could recite the number of A*s, As and Bs I got by heart.  By the time I started sixth form, it felt like reciting my grades became as common as reciting my name.  Without intending for them to, my grades had become one of my largest defining factors, and one of the first things I’d be asked about whenever I met someone new.

Like I said earlier, I’m not saying that grades don’t matter.  Of course they matter.  But, whether we do badly or we do well we shouldn’t let them be the things that define us.  Don’t get me wrong, you shouldn’t use that as an incentive to give up and not try at all.  Grades may not be what define you, but the amount that you try for them does.  What I’m saying is that if you opened that envelope today (or any other day) and your heart sank a little, don’t let those letters ruin your morale.

If you aren’t happy with your AS results, the beauty of AS levels is how accessible the retakes are.  If you want better, go out and get those better grades for yourself next year.  And if you try again and do better, be proud!  However, regardless of what you get, always remember that there is more to every single one of us than a few letters on a piece of paper. 

Read, comment, and don’t take anything personally.  Remember, we’re all still forming opinions.  Byeeeee!

Screaming Silence…

As summer kicks off so do the (even later than usual) late nights, and the lengthy philosophical 2am Whatsapp group discussions, and something really struck me today.

“The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts, while the stupid ones are full of confidence.”

-Charles Bukowski

I read this quote a couple of years ago in a book, and back then, yeah, I thought it was nice and “deep” on a philosophical level, but I don’t think I fully realised how true it is until now.  Have you ever been in a situation where you’re debating an issue that you’re truly passionate about with facts and logic and evidence, and the person on the opposing side refuses to even acknowledge that what you’re saying could have some meaning?  They brush aside your validity to keep their pride and be the “winner”, and turn a topic that you’re serious about into a joke, or “banter” that you took too seriously.  You’re left with two basic options, and neither of them are particularly favourable:

1. Keep communicating your view, knowing that they’re never going to even consider what you’re saying, which will end up frustrating you until you can no longer take it. Or;
2. Give up. Stop speaking, and listen to the obnoxiously untrue “that’s right, stop talking!  You know I’m right” jeer that follows.

One of the biggest lies that people like that force themselves to believe is that you stopped talking because you had nothing else to say.  I don’t know about you, but for me that generally isn’t the case.  Ever.  I like debate.  I like logic.  I like facts.  If I think that I have a good leg to stand on, and facts and logic to prove my point I could argue it forever.  But with some people, it’s just not worth it.  Charles Bukowski was really onto something.  When I look at the person that I was when I was 12 and I look at the person that I am now, I can see that there’s a huge difference in the willingness that I have when it comes to proving that I’m right.  It seems like, overtime the ignorance of others has shrouded my confidence when it comes to fighting for what I believe in.  It’s not that I’ve become shy or I have no belief in myself anymore, because the tenacity is still there.  I mean, give me a formal debate or a courtroom and I’d be in it to win it.  But with arguments with certain people, I’ve come to the conclusion that knowing that I’m doing the right thing, even if I’m the only one that believes it, has to be good enough. 

Don’t get me wrong, I am in no way saying that anyone that ever disagrees with me is “ignorant” or “not worth arguing with”, because I will happily have lively debates with my friends for hours (and we do sometimes… it’s weirdly cool).  If someone opposes my view, I’ll listen to their reasons why and consider them.  It’s when people won’t do the same for me, and will only listen to their points, regardless of what anyone else says that I begin to wonder if there’s a point to trying with that person.  The more that I think about it, the more that I realise that Charles Bukowski was really onto something with that quote.  It seems that the ignorant are more willing to shout their views over everyone, as opposed to those that have views that may actually be worth sharing, but are too scared/tired of being shot down to share them.

And if you ask me, it’s terrible how often this happens.  We all know that everybody deserves to be heard, but even more importantly: everybody deserves to have their opinions acknowledged and considered.  Next time you’re in a heated discussion, stop and think about whether you’re actually registering the other side’s point of view, or whether you’re dismissing them to get to your own points.  Because sometimes it’s an easy trap to fall into.

Finally, don’t mistake someone’s silence as weakness.  Sometimes it’s exhaustion from arguing but not being appreciated, or realising that their ideas can’t be seen through the surrounding smoke of stupidity.  Sometimes, silence speaks a lot louder than words, but if your silence can shout, let your words scream the message you want to get across.  It’s time to do Bukowski proud and abandon that doubt and let yourself be heard.

What are your views?  Is the silence justifiable or should you fight until you’re frustrating and losing it, purely because you know that you’re arguing the right way and you need to teach someone what that way is?

Read, please comment, and don’t take anything personally.  Remember, we’re all still forming opinions.  Byeeeee!