As summer kicks off so do the (even later than usual) late nights, and the lengthy philosophical 2am Whatsapp group discussions, and something really struck me today.
“The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts, while the stupid ones are full of confidence.”
-Charles Bukowski
I read this quote a couple of years ago in a book, and back then, yeah, I thought it was nice and “deep” on a philosophical level, but I don’t think I fully realised how true it is until now. Have you ever been in a situation where you’re debating an issue that you’re truly passionate about with facts and logic and evidence, and the person on the opposing side refuses to even acknowledge that what you’re saying could have some meaning? They brush aside your validity to keep their pride and be the “winner”, and turn a topic that you’re serious about into a joke, or “banter” that you took too seriously. You’re left with two basic options, and neither of them are particularly favourable:
- Keep communicating your view, knowing that they’re never going to even consider what you’re saying, which will end up frustrating you until you can no longer take it. Or;
- Give up. Stop speaking, and listen to the obnoxiously untrue “that’s right, stop talking! You know I’m right” jeer that follows.
One of the biggest lies that people like that force themselves to believe is that you stopped talking because you had nothing else to say. I don’t know about you, but for me that generally isn’t the case. Ever. I like debate. I like logic. I like facts. If I think that I have a good leg to stand on, and facts and logic to prove my point I could argue it forever. But with some people, it’s just not worth it. Charles Bukowski was really onto something. When I look at the person that I was when I was 12 and I look at the person that I am now, I can see that there’s a huge difference in the willingness that I have when it comes to proving that I’m right. It seems like, overtime the ignorance of others has shrouded my confidence when it comes to fighting for what I believe in. It’s not that I’ve become shy or I have no belief in myself anymore, because the tenacity is still there. I mean, give me a formal debate or a courtroom and I’d be in it to win it. But with arguments with certain people, I’ve come to the conclusion that knowing that I’m doing the right thing, even if I’m the only one that believes it, has to be good enough.
Don’t get me wrong, I am in no way saying that anyone that ever disagrees with me is “ignorant” or “not worth arguing with”, because I will happily have lively debates with my friends for hours (and we do sometimes… it’s weirdly cool). If someone opposes my view, I’ll listen to their reasons why and consider them. It’s when people won’t do the same for me, and will only listen to their points, regardless of what anyone else says that I begin to wonder if there’s a point to trying with that person. The more that I think about it, the more that I realise that Charles Bukowski was really onto something with that quote. It seems that the ignorant are more willing to shout their views over everyone, as opposed to those that have views that may actually be worth sharing, but are too scared/tired of being shot down to share them.
And if you ask me, it’s terrible how often this happens. We all know that everybody deserves to be heard, but even more importantly: everybody deserves to have their opinions acknowledged and considered. Next time you’re in a heated discussion, stop and think about whether you’re actually registering the other side’s point of view, or whether you’re dismissing them to get to your own points. Because sometimes it’s an easy trap to fall into.
Finally, don’t mistake someone’s silence as weakness. Sometimes it’s exhaustion from arguing but not being appreciated, or realising that their ideas can’t be seen through the surrounding smoke of stupidity. Sometimes, silence speaks a lot louder than words, but if your silence can shout, let your words scream the message you want to get across. It’s time to do Bukowski proud and abandon that doubt and let yourself be heard.
What are your views? Is the silence justifiable or should you fight until you’re frustrating and losing it, purely because you know that you’re arguing the right way and you need to teach someone what that way is?
Read, please comment, and don’t take anything personally. Remember, we’re all still forming opinions. Byeeeee!
Still Forming Opinions... 