I am a people pleaser.
I’m not gonna try and deny it, or justify it. It’s not a good way to live but it’s also not the worst way to live, and as much as people preach self-love and large pop icons have made the whole “sassy empowered woman” thing cool, I really care what other people think of me, and what I can do to make them feel better. However, this coupled with my obsession with perfection can often lead to disastrous consequences.
Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy a lot of the things that I do, and I do them because I want to do them, however the fact that they may please someone also often becomes the principle cause of my motivation. I work so hard in school so that my parents have a daughter to be proud of, I spend ages planning super personal birthday presents so people feel special and appreciated, I have a job and earn my own money so that my parents don’t have to support me as much, I take part in school activities so that they feel like I’m contributing… The list goes on and on. And I’ve always thought that my biggest fear was death, but after recent events I’ve realised that it’s not, it is disappointment.
They say that you’re your own worst critic but honestly I’ve never met a bigger bully than myself when it comes to anything to do with me. If I do badly in a test or make a bad decision it hits me hard… But not because I aspire to be perfect or the best or anything, because of the fear that now somebody’s gonna be disappointed in me.
If I fail my A-levels, yeah obviously I’ll be gutted that I didn’t get into Uni, but the people pleaser in me is going to be more gutted that my teachers believed in me and I didn’t deliver, or that my parents gave me every chance to succeed in life and I blew it all. Because in my opinion, the way that your choices affect others is just as important as the way that your choices affect you (Probably the one point of Preference Utilitarianism that I agree with).
Some stuff happened recently (Today in fact) that really got me thinking about my fear of letting others down, and I realised during the day that no matter how hard you mess up, try and cut people off, conceal yourself away, build your palace of ice (or whatever your less sassy Disney equivalent is), there are always gonna be those few people who are there for you no matter what. Those people that don’t get angry at you for being a bitch because they know that you need to temporarily lash out and won’t take it personally, or those people who can see that you’re suffering, even if you don’t explicitly tell them. And often these people can be the people that you least expect.
I am so thankful for those few people that exist in my life and honestly I don’t think I could have made it through today, or many other days without them. I hope that everyone has people like them in their lives or is able to be like that for somebody else.
So next time your friend/family member is lashing out and being a nightmare, or silently sitting in a classroom slightly quivering, show them compassion, genuinely care, no matter how hard it may be. Odds are they need it more than you think.
Read, comment, and don’t take anything personally. Remember, we’re all still forming opinions. Byeeeee!
Still Forming Opinions... 